Champion – Love Letter (Keeno Remix) A girl with a mind that’s delightful and free. Altough it took us a long time to finally spend an afternoon together, Mariposa, I always enjoy and love the time with you! ❤ Glad I … Continue reading →
As I heard about we had to shoot self-portraits in the art class, I was like “Yes, that should be an easy project! :D” but then I realized, it is not as easy as it sounds. One of the first … Continue reading →
Winter is one of my favorite times. The cold air, beautiful and slowly falling snow. Perfect lightning, perfect white. When everythings colored, they’re just a bunch of houses, randomly thrown together. But when it snows, and a thick layer of cosy looking snow covers the roofs like a fluffy duvet, everything becomes silent and perfect. It’s like time is standing still, as your breath forms breathing clouds in the air and snowflakes is silently falling from the sky.
A little girl, with her friends. in the daycare. Listening to scary songs from vampires and such, pillow fightes, pool parties in the garden, bury each other under a bunch of fluffy pillows and sheets and stuffed toys. Drawing together and tickling each other. Each day playing games was fun, each day started new.
Years passed, everyone grew up. Old friends, baby faces grown to gentlemen. She’s still the a little girl, but more sophisticated, trying to fit in. But one sight, everyone knows instantly – that’s her. Gone, but not forgotten, that’s the task. Feelings overwhelm her, everytime she meets someone she used to know. Also a flood of memories, and a warm feeling overcomes her. Love and happiness for this time, long long ago.
Today I realized: Sometimes I am totally a bitch. Yes, I mock, I swear, I disrespect people and things, I get upset, I am annoying, I am mean, I feel like the best, I know everything better, I’m snappish, I’m arrogant, I’m snooty, I’m bitchy, I’m me.
And I’m sorry for all the times I were angry because of something trivial and then just bitching around and getting that annoying, snappish voice. I know at that moment I’m supposed to have more respect, to cheer up and smile and not annoy my friends, but simply I can’t. I just want to shut myself down, cutting everybodys laughter and questions down, be left alone and otherwise shut ’em up. (Just look at my post Rage, then you’ll get my feelings). I hope you all who have ever been snapt at from me and did nothing, will accept this apology. I especially thank my Honeybear and Dr. Desmond for bearing with my moodchanges and don’t hate me.
I can’t promise to get to be a better person with a better personality, people would say “a more balanced person”, but I’ll try to control myself with my bitchy moods, because this isn’t funny for any of us and I’m afraid to lose anyone. Just that you know, no matter what I say in one of those moments, later I deeply regret it and sometimes my excuses don’t go like I wan’t them to.
A burning, dark feeling in your heart. Your view darkened. Tension, a black thread is wrapping around your heart, causing it to pump faster, leaving just a feeling of impotent fury. In this moment, you just wanna be left alone, anyone who gets near you, automatically gets into the killzone. Any word said gets automatically on your blacklist. Nothing is great, everything sucks, everyone is just getting on your nerves, and the victim of your rage. Revenge, or plain cold calculating ignorance.